You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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