I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
well you can't waste a boner
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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