you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
