Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
