Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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