Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Come see our sink grown plant.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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