It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
