quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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