haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
