ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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