He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
