There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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