He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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