You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
