have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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