Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
