so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
