I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
