Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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