First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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