I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
