You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
