the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
