What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
