I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
