she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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