It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
