I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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