she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
