the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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