When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
