glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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