What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
