I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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