I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
