fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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