I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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