oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
