The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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