someone owes me an orgasm
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
