Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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