Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
be right there i have to get my cape
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
