Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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