I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
