I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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