proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
