I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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