FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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