Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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