masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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