I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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