we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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