Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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