she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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