When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
