In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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