He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
