the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
