This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
