just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
