You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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