Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
