I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize