Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
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gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So much Jack, so little girl.
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