I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
