Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
