No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
